Whole body is hurting, and I'm cold?

I have phlegm in my throat, my head has a ton of pressure, I laughed earlier today and it felt like it was going to explode. My WHOLE body is hurting, especially when i touch something cold. Every joint is very sore, sort of like a toothache sort of feeling. I'm having trouble breathing as well, and each time I cough my chest hurts really bad. :( whats wrong with me?